yes its true!
i am tired and i smell like poo.
its 734am and i want to go to bed.
i want to elevate my swollen ankles on a pillow.
i want to elevate my fuzzy head on a pillow and dream sweet unrelated-to-nursing dreams.
i want the garbage truck to stop going BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEP grrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrr BEEP BEEP BEEP all down the sidealley and the front street and the sidestreet and the backstreet.
i want the power to have not gone out while i was at work so i could be sitting here in stinky, fatigued, misery waiting out the garbage truck by watching a taped show instead of having to worry about re-setting my alarm and not sticking my head out the window to yell SHUT UP I AM TRYING TO SLEEP.
there is so much going on and the sun has yet to rise.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
bubble bursting
there are two kinds of bubble bursting in life (according to me at least).
there's the kind where you realize that something isnt as you expected/believed/hoped/dreamed and is in fact rather crappy. kind of like today at work when i thought things were going relatively well and we were all getting along and helping each other (so we wouldnt strangle the incessant Bell Ringers that we were forced to endure as patients) and there were jokes and kind words. and i sit down, innocently, minding my own business, at the nurses station and start catching up on some charting and working on an admission to the ICU bed and there are 3 other nurses sitting at the station too and they are talking in somewhat hushed tones. and the doctor on call comes along and starts doing his charting. and then a fourth nurses comes along and picks a FIGHT with one of the other nurses and suddenly there's yelling and swearing and name-calling and more swearing and red faces and crying and storming off in huffs and it was like a really bad girl fight that you'd expect from a pair of junior high girls who are crushing on the same guy or some other trivial thing that is blown out of proportion and its irrational and you really wish you could have stayed a few minutes longer in a patient's room, even the room of the Incessant Bell Ringer, just so you wouldnt be left at the table in the middle of a fight trying to disappear into a stack of paper work.
yea, that's the one kind of bubble bursting.
then there's the other kind of bubble bursting. you know, the good kind. the kind that makes you giggle and fall over because you are laughing so hard you lose muscle control (not that that ever happens to me...) the kind when you are being silly and carefree. the jumping around like a nut trying to burst soap bubbles kind. the popping a gum bubble on your face and having to pull it off your glasses kind. the mail-order protective cushioning popping kind. the kind you would experience it if was BUBBLE WRAP APPRECIATION DAY.
like tomorrow.
that's right, monday january 30th is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.
just thought you should know.
and maybe you'd like to play some online bubble wrap (popping!) games and find out your bubble wrap personality here
also, if anyone has some free time, i am interested in a bubblewrap dress....
there's the kind where you realize that something isnt as you expected/believed/hoped/dreamed and is in fact rather crappy. kind of like today at work when i thought things were going relatively well and we were all getting along and helping each other (so we wouldnt strangle the incessant Bell Ringers that we were forced to endure as patients) and there were jokes and kind words. and i sit down, innocently, minding my own business, at the nurses station and start catching up on some charting and working on an admission to the ICU bed and there are 3 other nurses sitting at the station too and they are talking in somewhat hushed tones. and the doctor on call comes along and starts doing his charting. and then a fourth nurses comes along and picks a FIGHT with one of the other nurses and suddenly there's yelling and swearing and name-calling and more swearing and red faces and crying and storming off in huffs and it was like a really bad girl fight that you'd expect from a pair of junior high girls who are crushing on the same guy or some other trivial thing that is blown out of proportion and its irrational and you really wish you could have stayed a few minutes longer in a patient's room, even the room of the Incessant Bell Ringer, just so you wouldnt be left at the table in the middle of a fight trying to disappear into a stack of paper work.
yea, that's the one kind of bubble bursting.
then there's the other kind of bubble bursting. you know, the good kind. the kind that makes you giggle and fall over because you are laughing so hard you lose muscle control (not that that ever happens to me...) the kind when you are being silly and carefree. the jumping around like a nut trying to burst soap bubbles kind. the popping a gum bubble on your face and having to pull it off your glasses kind. the mail-order protective cushioning popping kind. the kind you would experience it if was BUBBLE WRAP APPRECIATION DAY.
like tomorrow.
that's right, monday january 30th is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.
just thought you should know.
and maybe you'd like to play some online bubble wrap (popping!) games and find out your bubble wrap personality here
also, if anyone has some free time, i am interested in a bubblewrap dress....
Friday, January 27, 2006
uneventful friday
while y'all get ready to party it up tonight or go on an island adventure or just put your feet up and relax and do nothing seriously except procrastinate, i am getting ready to go back to work tomorrow. it feels like sunday. with all the laundry and dish-washing and meal-prepping and Night Before jitters.
the most exciting part of the day was probably when i went out to return some borrowed items to the library. on the way, i stopped in at the hardware store. The really big split-level one on the side of the highway (apparently there are three hardware stores in town.). I never went in there before because i was never sure where the entrance was. Today i went in.
I like hardware stores. they have all kinds of fun things. I bought nails. Now i have a pocket full of nails. could the day get any better?
yes. today is He Is A Scientist From The Past Day!
fun fun!
it reminds me of all the crazy notions of time in The Time Traveler's Wife. Good book.
i think i'll go watch the clouds now. clouds do crazy things sometimes. wouldnt want to miss it.
the most exciting part of the day was probably when i went out to return some borrowed items to the library. on the way, i stopped in at the hardware store. The really big split-level one on the side of the highway (apparently there are three hardware stores in town.). I never went in there before because i was never sure where the entrance was. Today i went in.
I like hardware stores. they have all kinds of fun things. I bought nails. Now i have a pocket full of nails. could the day get any better?
yes. today is He Is A Scientist From The Past Day!
fun fun!
it reminds me of all the crazy notions of time in The Time Traveler's Wife. Good book.
i think i'll go watch the clouds now. clouds do crazy things sometimes. wouldnt want to miss it.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
unpauper penalty
i had school today.
it was weird. there were only 5 of us, 6 if you counted the nurse who was just auditing the course (she never got to do any of the role playing). we did a lot of role playing.
it was sort of fun.
the instructor would tell us we had a baby coming and we had to get already and ask her all sorts of questions so we would know what to expect/which equipment to get ready. And then she'd hand us this baby and say ITS LIMP AND BLUE. (that wasnt the only thing wrong with it, it was also missing an arm and its remaining arm tended to fall off). and then we'd practice saving the baby.
sometimes we had to intubate. i couldnt figure out why we had to practice/pretend to intubate this baby (which was funny because when it got to the point where we had to intubate, we'd trade the baby in for just a head with balloons for lungs) since we are not allowed to intubate. and we never actually learned how to intubate (which is why we all intubated the esophagus instead of the trachea, but it was fun playing with the laryngoscope and having the secondary nurse hand you stuff like you were some big shot health professional) but they still asked us all kinds of unfair questions on the written exam about how we would fix the laryngoscope placement if we had too much esophagus or too much tongue. i didnt think that was very fair.
i think we should be able to intubate. what if the baby is delivered before the doctor shows up (or there's twins and the specialized team isnt in from some other town) and we start resuscitation and get to the point of intubation before there's an intubator available? what if?
crazy things tend to happen in small towns with limited, certified staff.
the part of the day that wasnt fun was lunch.
maybe it was because i didnt bring any pink apple pie for lunch.
maybe it was because i tried to make a new friend and she became irrationably angry and was yelling at me about how unfair it is that i can get a larger third of my provincial loans paid off than she can and why isnt there a limit on the reduction so everyone gets the same amount reduced and why is she being penalized for having a smaller loan than i?
uh... isnt a third, a third? and isnt it actually i who is suffering by having a huge loan? as if i chose to owe 10 times more than her. she didnt even seem satisfied with the knowledge that even though i will save a greater amount than her, i will still be paying more because my federal loan is 10 times higher than hers.
it was awful. she was mean. and i couldnt figure out why she was mad at me and why she was mad in the first place (If someone is paying off your loan because you work in the town you grew up in and love and inhabit with your husband, shouldnt you be grateful and maybe even happy? instead of being the lonely spinister in town who owes a ridiculous sum of money?). This is the type of person who votes conservative.
edit: its probably a good thing i didnt bring any pink apple pie because she probably would have been mad at me for that (she had a rice cake sandwich for lunch).
it was weird. there were only 5 of us, 6 if you counted the nurse who was just auditing the course (she never got to do any of the role playing). we did a lot of role playing.
it was sort of fun.
the instructor would tell us we had a baby coming and we had to get already and ask her all sorts of questions so we would know what to expect/which equipment to get ready. And then she'd hand us this baby and say ITS LIMP AND BLUE. (that wasnt the only thing wrong with it, it was also missing an arm and its remaining arm tended to fall off). and then we'd practice saving the baby.
sometimes we had to intubate. i couldnt figure out why we had to practice/pretend to intubate this baby (which was funny because when it got to the point where we had to intubate, we'd trade the baby in for just a head with balloons for lungs) since we are not allowed to intubate. and we never actually learned how to intubate (which is why we all intubated the esophagus instead of the trachea, but it was fun playing with the laryngoscope and having the secondary nurse hand you stuff like you were some big shot health professional) but they still asked us all kinds of unfair questions on the written exam about how we would fix the laryngoscope placement if we had too much esophagus or too much tongue. i didnt think that was very fair.
i think we should be able to intubate. what if the baby is delivered before the doctor shows up (or there's twins and the specialized team isnt in from some other town) and we start resuscitation and get to the point of intubation before there's an intubator available? what if?
crazy things tend to happen in small towns with limited, certified staff.
the part of the day that wasnt fun was lunch.
maybe it was because i didnt bring any pink apple pie for lunch.
maybe it was because i tried to make a new friend and she became irrationably angry and was yelling at me about how unfair it is that i can get a larger third of my provincial loans paid off than she can and why isnt there a limit on the reduction so everyone gets the same amount reduced and why is she being penalized for having a smaller loan than i?
uh... isnt a third, a third? and isnt it actually i who is suffering by having a huge loan? as if i chose to owe 10 times more than her. she didnt even seem satisfied with the knowledge that even though i will save a greater amount than her, i will still be paying more because my federal loan is 10 times higher than hers.
it was awful. she was mean. and i couldnt figure out why she was mad at me and why she was mad in the first place (If someone is paying off your loan because you work in the town you grew up in and love and inhabit with your husband, shouldnt you be grateful and maybe even happy? instead of being the lonely spinister in town who owes a ridiculous sum of money?). This is the type of person who votes conservative.
edit: its probably a good thing i didnt bring any pink apple pie because she probably would have been mad at me for that (she had a rice cake sandwich for lunch).
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
fitful and strange, Beth strange
its one of those strange nights where you feel like the night air is you, that you are it, that there is no beginning, there is no end and yet you question everything.
what do i want?
what do i want to do?
where do i want to go?
who do i love?
who should i love?
what should i take for lunch tomorrow?
should i go somewhere this summer? where?
would anyone notice if didnt do laundry this week?
is orange the new pink?
do cruel people get goodness?
z says: there's always a meal if there is pie. and who to love = pie.
thanks z! so helpful...
a wise woman has told me on a few occasions that it takes a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. i didnt forget to eat, i just forgot to buy groceries. but at least there is pie. how can i lose with pie? man cannot live by pie alone, but jv can try. meat pie, veggie pie, fruit pie, breakfast pie...
i was mean to someone today.
i was rude to someone today.
i shouldnt have been.
someone kept pushing me today.
they shouldnt have done that.
i am being vague.
i probably shouldnt be like that but this is my space. Precision, come not near.
you may think i am writing about you.
you may think i am writing to you.
chances are, you are wrong.
i have found paper to use for notes/doodles/letter-writing during my course tomorrow.
and there's pie.
do any of the questions left unaswered really matter now?
i cant answer that at the moment. i have just been told to go swab and flog, like a pirate.
aye aye!
what do i want?
what do i want to do?
where do i want to go?
who do i love?
who should i love?
what should i take for lunch tomorrow?
should i go somewhere this summer? where?
would anyone notice if didnt do laundry this week?
is orange the new pink?
do cruel people get goodness?
z says: there's always a meal if there is pie. and who to love = pie.
thanks z! so helpful...
a wise woman has told me on a few occasions that it takes a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. i didnt forget to eat, i just forgot to buy groceries. but at least there is pie. how can i lose with pie? man cannot live by pie alone, but jv can try. meat pie, veggie pie, fruit pie, breakfast pie...
i was mean to someone today.
i was rude to someone today.
i shouldnt have been.
someone kept pushing me today.
they shouldnt have done that.
i am being vague.
i probably shouldnt be like that but this is my space. Precision, come not near.
you may think i am writing about you.
you may think i am writing to you.
chances are, you are wrong.
i have found paper to use for notes/doodles/letter-writing during my course tomorrow.
and there's pie.
do any of the questions left unaswered really matter now?
i cant answer that at the moment. i have just been told to go swab and flog, like a pirate.
aye aye!
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