this morning i was a little cold. I considered adding a second sweater to the sweater and 3 shirts i was already wearing but realized that i was being silly. Two sweaters is excessive for someone who was going to sit in a nice hotel conference room all day and try not to fall asleep. Oh how wrong i was! Being cold is bad. Being cold ALL DAY and not taking off your coat or scarf or sweater + 3 shirts for 10 hours while INDOORS is worse. The only thing worse than the dry irrelevancies of regional orientation is cold, dry irrelevancies. I was stupidly hoping we would finish early enough so that i could go to the Canadian Tire and pick up a few things that have been causing lustful desires. Of course we did not. The highlights of the presentations were when one of the presenters finally referred to the Chief Operating Officer as the COO. The humour was compounded by the fact that the ceiling of our fridgebox banquet room was inhabited by several loud pigeons. I missed the majority of the presented material because i couldnt hear over them (and because the coldness was making me sleepy and want to hibernate. I feel as if i'll never be warm again).
often have i wondered about the types of people that you see walking down the side of the highway in what is essentially the middle of nowhere. i think i can stop wondering for now i am one of them. ah, nothing beats a highway stroll on a cold dark night. seriously. it was quite delightful. that is, until i realized if i wanted to make it all the way back home i would have to scale... THE HILL OF DEATH. I have also lovingly named it Cardiac Hill. If it wasnt for the fact that i'm "too young for a heart attack" (according to an edmonton doctor), i would have had serious concerns about climbing it and would have considered simply setting up house elsewhere just to avoid it. A quarter of the way up MI Mountain i saw a curious sign - CAUTION: Wheelchairs On Roadway. I cant say i've ever seen a similar sign before. That thought kept me going for another eighth of the journey. Then I huffed and puffed and made it about halfway up when i wanted to roll over onto the spacious snowy lawn of the chiropractic office and die.
the best part about Cardiac Hill, is that if you make it to the top, just as it starts to level out a bit you will see up ahead what you think is a mirage - two distinct giant palm trees.
this salad i am eating really needs the high fatty goodness of avocado. If i put the avocado in the microwave, will it hasten the ripening process?
ps - i realize more and more i am omitting capitals. deal with it.
9 comments:
i hope some day i get to see that wheelchair sign. it sounds too hilarious to be true.
rv
this one time i was trying to walk from uvic to my friend's house and i was all like "the fastest way to get there will be right over mount tolmie!" except mount tolmie is a challenge for someone of my dismal physical fitness and everytime my calves are sore i still blame it on that climb.
the point i was trying to make is that you are super cool and everything is an adventure. i was more just like "i hate this." and chose not to think about it ever again until now.
don't put it in the microwave! i've tried this, it doesn't work, it gets disgusting and ruins it. the only solution to your avocado problem, my dear, is to buy more avocados so you always have a ripe one.
ap
We've tracked you down Miss Vezina. You should not take such blatant disregard for grammar so lightly. However, as we are a specific branch of the grammar police we are mainly concerned with your lack of capital letters. Further, the fact that you recognize this, and still do nothing to change it makes your charge much worse. You have one warning Miss Vezina. After that, we move in. I suggest you take this to heart. Your friends better shape up as well.
I would like to point out the obvious irony of the lack of capitals in the name "capital police". (This irony is however tempered by the fact one cannot control the lettering of identities as they appear in comments).
Put the avocado in a brown paper bag with an apple. That's Bonne Maman's trick. Although, that may be for ripening bananas and not avocados... It's worth a try! - Anastasia Scoresby
taryn - come climb Cardiac Hill with me. I bet if you do, you'll get a sudden ability to play tennis.
ap - how many do i need to have? because i had three and none were ripe. And i bought two more and none were ripe... And i didnt put it in the mircowave but i woke this morning and realized that i'd left it sitting on the heater all night... shit! Who does such irresponsible things? Sure glad i dont work at a place with lots of responsibility...
capital police - FUCK YOU! i spit on your dictatorial grammar!
anonymous - i dont have a brown paper bag. or a paper bag of any other colour. Too bad because then i would finally have ause for the apples that i keep buying but not eating.
don't put it on the heater, put it in the sun! jv, you should have at least 10 avocados at any given time. if they all ripen at the same time, you can put them in the fridge!
ten avocados? my my, i shall have to run over to the store in between naps today. I'm down to one and i'm about to cut in to it. And it had to go on the heater because between 4pm-9am, there is no sun. Maybe i will paint a sun and then it will always be sunny. I seem to have a heck of a lot of red and orange paint.
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