Some Thoughts on Love

confession: i do not like chocolate. i do not have that to look forward to today. i can look forward to meeting someone fun on the plane home in a few hours. and i can remember one of the funniest things i ever learned about today: cartes vinaigres. An old Valentine's Day tradition originating in France whereby people would send little cards (postcards) to people with insults on them. I think it would add some nice balance to today's over-commercialized saccharine mess.

5 excerpts from my first book that pertain to love-dovey things:
There once was a girl named Frieda, who went out on the town with Jill. They had dinner. She ate hers and part of Jill’s. She got pepper in her teeth. Jill didn’t tell her. She didn’t know. They thanked each other for a lovely meal with lovely company, exited the restaurant and parted ways. Frieda headed west down the sidewalk to find a bus stop. What we should really say is, Frieda headed west down the sidewalk to find a husband, her husband. But Frieda didn’t know that her walk was going to be so life-altering. She didn’t know she was about to walk down the aisle…. Arriving at her bus stop she very quickly discovered that she would not be waiting alone tonight for already standing under the shelter of a lovely oak was a man. Oh yes, a man. A tall dark stranger. His brown locks were curly and unruly. There was the hint of growth on his chin, giving him a heart-warming scruffy look. Like an outdoorsy – hippie trying to be a man in a business world. The collar of his black wool coat was turned up to protect him from the November wind and afforded but a glimpse of his vivid red scarf. His eyes were of a colour difficult to distinguish in the pale moon light, but she could see well enough to know they were large, sparkling, alive, and beautiful. He had a strong brow, one that seemed at ease brooding, if given the chance. But he was mellow and joyous by nature. She smiled at him. He automatically began to return her smile and then paused. “Excuse me” he said. “By any chance, is that pepper in your teeth?”. Frieda instantly crimsoned. “Why yes, I suppose it is”. The man allowed his smile to continue on its path to a nothing held back, pearly teeth, half-laugh grin. “In that case” he said. “Would you marry me?”

**
I think that I may be a hunter. I feel as if I should identify with the old stereotype of men being more interested in the thrill of the hunt, in the romantic pursuit, then in the actual union. Now that I have officially obtained the affections of another, I am ready to move on.
My sentiments, my emotions and desires of another’s love and affections are like the moon. The inconstant moon described by poetic William Shakespeare as monthly changing in her seasoned orb. Like the moon, I wax and I wane. As I have secured the affections of another (the peak of light, the full moon state) but just yesterday, already my interest is waning.

**
Just call me Wheezy. My poor heart is overworked. Overexerted. I ran outside in the snow gathering amongst the traffic. My heart is struggling to meet my demands for oxygen. And it is making me wheeze. I think that my heart needs some special attention. It has been too abused and subsequently neglected as of late. Love triangles can do that to a heart.

***
Thoughts on Love
My current dichotomous state of affairs induces the following thoughts: what is the defining characteristic of a True Relationship? Is it desire? Lust? General compatibility? With Spec 1, there is desire. Up until now, there has been very minimal communication. I do not know him as I know Spec 2. We do not talk endlessly, passionately as Spec 2 and I do. He inspires me. He causes great things to happen by his original, profound thoughts. I crave him. But I do not desire him. I feel that the time will come very soon when I am forced to pick between the two of them to focus my attentions. I know not how to do this. Is one of them the proper basis for a serious committed monogamous relationship? Is neither of them the true basis? Should I reject both variables A and B and search for unknown option C?

**
Things change. People change. Desires change. People (like me?) panic and run away to isolated places. People like me say it is because of money and jobs and being responsible. People like me are liars. It is about being afraid. I have gotten no closer to understanding how to recognize love, true love, the right love. I’m an employed sheltered person with confused notions of love and what I deserve. So here we are. In this place where things are about to change. Where a new adventure is about to begin. There are no major revelations. There are no big life lessons. There is no deeper understanding.