Getting Started a Little Early This Year

Last night i had a dream about chocolate. Valentine's chocolate. Complete with the heart-shaped box. Valentine's Day + me = no good, but i do have a weakness for boxes of chocolate that come with the map, the legend, the Who's Who of chocolate. I'm not sure why i am dreaming of Valentine's Day already. What was memorable & strange about the dream was the chocolate itself. Inside the box, there were several heart-shaped pieces that were TOMATO flavoured. I thought the cherry-filled ones were bad. Tomato-filled is much worse!

While looking for an image to add to this posting, i came across this: an anatomically correct 1lb chocolate heart! Apparently its "the ultimate gift for mortuary students, pathologists, embalmers, or your sweetheart".

http://www.pushindaisies.com/candypress/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=224

finding a purpose

Way back in my early university days (second year? organic chem?), i remember being required to purchase these awful eye protectors that were half-face plastic suction things reminiscent of scuba/ski masks that would leave their outline around my face and extra marks where my glasses were (eye protectors + glasses = super sexy. Why was i single in those days?!) and i remember thinking to myself, what the hell am i ever going to do with these once my lab days are done (8 months later) ?

It has been nearly 7 years since i first became a stylish safety geek and i have finally been able to resurrect my beloved eye protectors (note: there's a fine line between love and hate). They are perfect for doing ceiling work and other home repairs!

Maybe i'll become a carpenter like the hot ones on TLC. Carpentry is a good profession. I mean, if it was good enough for J.C., it should be good enough for J.V.!

hello?

Going to bed when no one's around
waking up while everyone slumbers still
feels like i'm in a world of my own

is anyone out there?

am i dying? did i die?

In the wee hours of this morning i experienced my first ever "code".
it was pediatric.
it was a patient i was monitoring for the ER nurse.
later i learned it wasnt a real code.
it was real enough.
really unpleasant.
and scary.

i dont want to be a nurse anymore.

la veille de Noël

i thought i was ready for christmas.
i have a tree with some presents.
i have some lights.
i made christmas pie.
i wore christmas socks and a christmas-y scrub top to work today.
but when i stepped outside and saw all the rain rain rain
and all the snow gone gone gone,
it made me realize that i'm not ready.

i want snow too.

i think with snow falling outside, i would be ok inside with my pie and mini tree,
with my guitar and me.

Approved!

Rubbery Noodles
Romanticized Nicotania
Really Neat
Rather Nice
Relax Now

bed head

I woke up this morning with a mohawk.
It's the best!
(if only i had a digital camera to show you all the coolness of bedheads...)

livin' alone

One of my favourite things about living alone is the outfits! If i feel like wearing 3 skirts, a dress, and pants all together, i can! I can reinvent myself with outrageous combinations of tops and bottoms and colours and prints. I can wear the diaphanous pants or I can wear the short sequined dress vaguely reminiscent of christmas and carpet bags and old thick draperies without causing a brouhaha. And it makes me happy.

good night ~ good morning

i love the walk home after a nightshift.
the freshness of the air
alone supports the weight
of my weary body.
not a thought passes across my mind
(save a thought or two of you)
total calm.
not a sound
(save a car on the road as my colleague heads home)
just the moon
and i
and the sweet prospect of sleep.

half a humdinger

You know its time to go home when:

• you try to wash your hands with lotion
• you have more than one type of bodily fluid from more than one patient on your clothes
• your ankles are more swollen than your diabetic or pregnant clients.

The day started out as follows: my mentor and another nurse argued (politely) over who was going to be ER nurse today. My mentor lost. My relief was but temporary as i realized that would give us 9 wacky surgical patients.
Things were going relatively well until about lunchtime and then it was a slippery slope. The doctor ordered this tube to be pulled from my patient before he could go home but none of the nurses was certified in tube-pulling. So my mentor told me to go convince my friend the resident doctor to pull it. So then i wandered around the hospital trying to find him. He didnt really want to do it. Then the ordering doctor came along and i asked him to do it. Ok, i sort of TOLD him to do it. And he tried to convince me to do it. I'm not certified! Hell, i'm not even registered! No way! He said he'd even take pictures and all the responsibility should something happen but then i started to wonder why he didnt want to do it. It didnt seem difficult at all. I would have done it if it wasnt completely illegal. So i asked him! (i was told in nursing school to never TELL a doctor what to do and to never question them.) Ha! He took the manual in with him and laid it on the patient's belly and read off it as he pulled the tube. Next time, he said, he was going to make me pull it! Sure, buddy! Sure!

Another thing that is weird: today i got a phone call at work. It was the ER calling to tell me that one of my patients had gone down there. My patient who was already admitted went to check himself in at emerg? He thought he was bleeding internally and wasnt being properly cared for on the unit. The ER nurse asked if she could just send him back. Uh... could you send him to psych?

Speaking of the ER, my services specifically were requested there tonight. A patient came in while my mentor was covering the ER nurse's dinner break so she told everyone that he was my responsibility for IV initiation. And then she told the poor guy that i had never started an IV before. A lie! LIES! I called her a liar (its ok to call your colleague a liar in front of the patient if the patient is high on morphine and is known to all as Uncle Walty). She corrected herself and told the patient i HAD in fact started one other IV but it went horribly! Thanks, thanks a lot. She could at least tell lies that paint a favourable picture of my skills. I love being the new girl. For the record, like the first one, this IV went in without incidence or screaming or tears! So there!

When i got back to the unit, my mentor and another nurse were in the med room. The nurse was sticking out her bum and my mentor was rubbing it.
me: what are you guys doing?!?!
other nurse: i think its chocolate but no one will smell it!

I cant wait to go to work tomorrow night.

PS - there were a few inquiries as to the perfume i was wearing today. What was i wearing? Now let me see... this morning i put on....glasses...chapstick... maybe they were smelling the soap residue? All i smell is glue (i am NOT a glue-sniffer. they were glueing down the new flooring. honest).

Mugging!

i have had a shortage of decent-sized tea mugs.

now they keep following me home.

tonight it was a tall gang of snowmen.

help!

coo? COO COO!

this morning i was a little cold. I considered adding a second sweater to the sweater and 3 shirts i was already wearing but realized that i was being silly. Two sweaters is excessive for someone who was going to sit in a nice hotel conference room all day and try not to fall asleep. Oh how wrong i was! Being cold is bad. Being cold ALL DAY and not taking off your coat or scarf or sweater + 3 shirts for 10 hours while INDOORS is worse. The only thing worse than the dry irrelevancies of regional orientation is cold, dry irrelevancies. I was stupidly hoping we would finish early enough so that i could go to the Canadian Tire and pick up a few things that have been causing lustful desires. Of course we did not. The highlights of the presentations were when one of the presenters finally referred to the Chief Operating Officer as the COO. The humour was compounded by the fact that the ceiling of our fridgebox banquet room was inhabited by several loud pigeons. I missed the majority of the presented material because i couldnt hear over them (and because the coldness was making me sleepy and want to hibernate. I feel as if i'll never be warm again).

often have i wondered about the types of people that you see walking down the side of the highway in what is essentially the middle of nowhere. i think i can stop wondering for now i am one of them. ah, nothing beats a highway stroll on a cold dark night. seriously. it was quite delightful. that is, until i realized if i wanted to make it all the way back home i would have to scale... THE HILL OF DEATH. I have also lovingly named it Cardiac Hill. If it wasnt for the fact that i'm "too young for a heart attack" (according to an edmonton doctor), i would have had serious concerns about climbing it and would have considered simply setting up house elsewhere just to avoid it. A quarter of the way up MI Mountain i saw a curious sign - CAUTION: Wheelchairs On Roadway. I cant say i've ever seen a similar sign before. That thought kept me going for another eighth of the journey. Then I huffed and puffed and made it about halfway up when i wanted to roll over onto the spacious snowy lawn of the chiropractic office and die.


the best part about Cardiac Hill, is that if you make it to the top, just as it starts to level out a bit you will see up ahead what you think is a mirage - two distinct giant palm trees.

this salad i am eating really needs the high fatty goodness of avocado. If i put the avocado in the microwave, will it hasten the ripening process?

ps - i realize more and more i am omitting capitals. deal with it.

today's new and old

i saw a bus go past my window. A bus! A BC transit minibus! We cant be that insignificant if we have public transit.

i learned that there IS a car rental place in town.

i sold my first-born child (to the car rental lady for a Ford Taurus. She said i looked young enough for her to want my first-born. It was an easy transaction.)

we lost our curling match. again. i'm pretty used to losing. we lost every hockey game i played and i think almost every soccer game too! So far, my team has won the one match i didnt make. I have to miss the first match in january because of a nightshift. We shall see if they win then. It may not be me that's messing us up, but it sure feels like it. It feels like it because it is me. Hmmm. What was new about losing tonight was that we lost to a collection of people not even close to reaching puberty. Almost as bad as last week when we lost to a team of jr. high girls. We have lost to the young, now we shall lose to the old.

Tomorrow i am going to the Big City for a "regional orientation". I envision 6 hours of fire safety, policies, procedures, and WHMIS. I hope they at least serve snacks. I cant believe i am once again at a point in my life where i get excited to go into the city. Time to get ready for my big day out. 'Night.

midnight snack

it's midnight and i'm still awake. So is my stomach. Time for Midnight Snack. Mmm mmm. It's going to be good. Better than good, delicious! And nutritious! What's that you say? Nutritious? Why yes, yes it is. AND delicious? YES!
I am having CARROTS.
I put my secret sauce on them and suddenly i am ravenous and devour them like a madwoman.

I am listening to damien rice as i chow down on my carrots. I really shouldn't use the expression "chow down" because it always makes me giggle and think of a girl from camp. Anyways, back to Damien. What an emotional ride it is, listening to his songs. I feel overwhelmed to ever create something half as stirring.

I'm still hungry. Time for Second Midnight Snack. And it shall be... fart crackers. Some time i shall share the story of how fart crackers got their name. For the time being, i am simply going to enjoy their salty crunchiness. That word looks strange. Crunchyness? Crunch factor.

I am a tight-lipped tease.
I am a Jezebel.
I am an American.

Who is shocked? Such slanderous allegations. My degree recently arrived in the mail. With it came the convocation handbook. I was flipping through it while waiting to board the ferry and had to look not once, not twice, but three times at my own name for there beside it was UNITED STATES. Since when do i come from the States? I cant believe my faculty printed that for everyone to see. And i wasn't even present to defend my honour. Unbelievable.

time for bed.

ps - i think my bed gave me hives last night.

funny things

Recently, a colleague asked me if i was organic. Am *i* ORGANIC?! Come on! Clearly i'm inorganic. Yes, folks, this specimen is 100% synthetic - as are all of our products from the Person-Producing "farm". I'm like the human equivalent of a ChickieNob.

Today i noticed that my refrigerator is called The KELVINATOR. It just strikes me as funny. I dont think i could give it a better name if i tried.

I live in a "banana belt". That means warmer climate than those towns around us, but it also means some great mental images!

Stealing From Anastasia

Anastasia has introduced the fun concept of AutoSummarizing. I have gotten a little carried away with it. Danger! Beware! Consider yourself warned!

I have AutoSummarized the AutoSummary of my novel. It seems the most important concept in my novel is that of love. Interesting. There have been some requests to read my novel. I am disinclined to acquiesce to sharing it in its entirety. Here it is - my novel, auto-summarized:

Right. Waiting. What if I don’t believe in destiny? We fell in love. People! If only it were that simple. Camp is a love machine. By loving him and allowing his love, I will break him. Sisters! All the phone calls. If we are careful, he will never know. Ha! I LOVE yams. I LOVE tempura. I LOVE YAM TEMPURA ROLLS. You will feel better if you do. I would if I was home alone. Some people! I love the human body! I couldn’t be linear if I tried. I love him. Usually we love without choosing. What if they are bunk? Good night. Good times. Ha! I cant remember. I cant love him. I cant let myself love him. Figure out love. Knit 1 stitch, knit 2 stitches together, knit 8 stitches, knit 2 stitches together, knit 3 stitches, knit 2 stitches together, knit 8 stitches, knit 2 stitches together, knit 1 stitch. Knit 1 stitch. I love her wisdom. If only I can remember it. Time to drink up! I wonder if there is an all-night confessional someplace…

DECEMBER EXTRAVAGANZA

Its December!
There's snow!
I survived the drive through the mountains without injury (which is a big feat considering the snow and ice and mountain sheep on the highway and darkness...oh the darkness....i shall make no mention of the shadow of the Valley of Death...)!
I survived my first week of work!
Its the moment you have all been PATIENTLY (Z! RJ!) waiting for.... THE DECEMBER UPDATE!

MY FIRST SET (WEEK) AT WORK
Day 1 (monday)

My first day of work. I arrive to discover that my boss is off all week. So no ID tag for me. No form signing. No pay cheque?!? Dang!
It's an usual day on the ward in that it is inondated with students and the patient-to-staff ratio is quite low. My mentor and i are assigned to the medical unit which includes pediatrics, ICU, CCU, palliative, and maternity (unless the mat nurse or midwife is in) in addition to the 7 medicine beds. And they are all going to be mine. That's a lot of people. PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!
And breathe. My mentor assigns me to one patient only. Phew. And peds, ICU, CCU, and palliative are all empty today. And the midwife is in with the mat patients. And there are 5 LPN students running around doing all our work for us. I eat popcorn and watch the staff play scrabble and cards.

Day 2 (tuesday)

My side of the ward is still relatively peaceful. More popcorn. We get a late cardiac admission and i learn how to hook up a cardiac monitor. And then i run across the street to the curling rink for my first game! Which we lose.We lost to a group of high school girls! How embarassing! But they play competitively! And wear matching jackets! I think the matching jackets is a ploy to psych us out. It worked for the first few ends. If they hadnt stopped at 6 ends under the excuse of having to go to bed, we would have beat them. I think my team should wear matching jackets. It'll intimidate our opponents for enough ends to give us the lead. And i shall try Taryn's suggested strategy of yelling things obnoxiously to fake hardcoreness.

Day 3 (wednesday)

My first night shift at the new hospital. Or rather, FEAST NIGHT. My mentor, the LPN and myself decided to bring food for a midnight feast. We ate and we ate and we ate. One of the nurses says nighshifs turn you into a compulsive eater. While i can definitely see her point, i think i eat just as compulsively right now when not at work.There was also quilting and magazine perusing and card playing and eating. Yes, there was some work. We received two new admissions including a possible TIA (its like a stroke) who was hooked up to telemetry which beeped all night because his heartrate didnt like to go above 45. Pump heart pump! And there was the patient who couldnt breathe. Its amazing how some people can look so sickly and have such atypical results but be relatively healthy. His healthy looks like most people's death.

Day 4 (thursday)

My second night shift. The last shift in the set before 5 days off. The shift where you get giddy. It was a busy night. I had 6 patients, two of whom were confused which can be entertaining at 3am. My mentor had a mat patient and her newborn boy. But the ER got busy and the ER nurse had to go on an ambulance transfer to Cranbrook so my nurse was shifted to cover the ER and i was left alone on the unit! Ok, not quite alone. There was the nice LPN and the surgical nurse but she had 9 patients and they were psychotic and demanding. Luckily my patients were the quitely sick kind that sleep or at least stay in bed all night. And the cement. The cement added an extra element of "fun" to the evening. On monday and tuesday during my shifts there were these guys driving what looked like a mini zamboni (or that rock-car from the Never-Ending Story) around the ward. It was a floor ripper-upper. It chewed up the linoleum and spat it out in front of the the machine in a big roll (jelly roll?). None of us could figure out why we needed new flooring. The other one was perfectly adequate. It wasnt a hideous colour and it didnt even have sketchy stains on it! Tonight, the floor guys were back to pour cement. Yes they poured cement on the floors of all the hallways preventing us from going from the nurses' station to patient rooms or the bathroom. It really was quite brilliant. It sounds like fantasy, but it's reality. I pulled out my knitting and worked on my mittens. My mentor painted christmas ornaments. The LPN and the paramedic student played cards. The ER nurse returned from Cranbrook with TIMBITS! They were a big hit because we dont have a Tim Horton's in Creston (which is fine by me because i dont like nicotine or coffee. I like doughnuts though. But i try to tell myself that i dont because the ones in the bakery here look disappointing). The ER nurse (who is crazy and wants to set me up with the new guy at the brewery except she thinks he's too short for it to work out. I say it'll never work because i dont like beer. Oh, and because i'm a Career Woman) has to stain slabs of wood for the craft party for the 80 children of the brewery employees. Around 430am, things took a serious turn. We were moved to random acts of... VANDALISM! Yes, my fourth day of work and i am defacing hospital property. Someone thought it would be funny to paint a hopscotch on the newly poured cement. We had the paint. We had the cement. We used our critical thinking skills and put the two together. End product: a big hopscotch board shaped like a snowman that started at the stairwell and led to the nurses' station. We thought it was really funny. And we didnt think we would get into TOO much trouble since they were just going to put new flooring on it anyways. About an hour later we realized that we didnt know WHEN the new flooring was being laid...

THINGS MY MOM LIKES ABOUT MY NEW PLACE

• the natural light in my apartment
• my motherly landlord
• the fact that i live on the top floor (height = protection)

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY NEW PLACE

• it has two bedroms and they are ALL MINE
• it is a 3 minute walk to work
• there is free cable at the moment
• i have the whole top floor which = windows facing all the cardinal directions
• all windows have a view of delicious snow-covered mountains
• i live around the corner from the postoffice
• Town Hall is my nextdoor neighbour
• my building used to be the courthouse

THINGS TO WORK ON LIKING

• no grocery stores open past 7 on weekdays (which is the same time i finish work)
• pink carpet
• pink television set (i kid you not! I didnt know that when i bought it!)
• stairs (there are 10 down and then 26 up to get into my house. Yes down and up!)
• no cafés open past sundown
• no sunday shopping
• no good fastfood frenchyfries
• the low temperature of my apartment whose heat, as i learned after i moved in, i can not control (Yesterday i bought flannel sheets in an effort to combat the cold. As some of you may recall, i do not like flannel.)
• flannel
• being a single person hanging out with primarily married couples (for those of you who have not experienced this, it may seem trivial. Trust me, it is not)

Bountiful

There are many persons from Bountiful who come through the hospital as employees, patients, or visitors. I think that this is a good community to observe for possible ideas for my new project of colonizing the moon.

Trying to Find the Real Me

My Western Feminist Icon Alter Ego...



You are Kathleen Hanna! Poster child of the riot
grrls, you've grown up a little in the last few
years. You've brought rape, feminism,
sexuality, and wymyn surviving hard shit into
the mainstream through art, music, and
spokenword. You're PUNKROCK! But, like, for
real.


Which Western feminist icon are you?
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My Harry Potter Alter Ego...

You scored as Severus Snape. Well you're a tricky one aren't you? Nobody quite has you figured out and you'd probably prefer it stayed that way. That said you are a formidable force by anyone's reckoning, but there is certainly more to you than a frosty exterior and a bitter temper.

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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Out In the Road

Its the first of December. It is time to be on the road once again.
Today i am leaving and i am going and i am coming. It all depends on your point of view.
Bye bye purple posts.
Bye bye West Coast.
I'm heading sideways.
I'm going to bring home the bacon.

Expect surprises soon (mid-december)